As a young girl I often found myself hanging out with the boys even though I had my fair share of female best friends. Climbing trees, hanging in treehouses, biking shirtless on my yellow banana seat Huffy bike seemed natural and I gravitated to it with ease.
When I reflect on these childhood female friendships, I remember many ridiculous bickering matches which always ended up a game of who could gather the biggest crowd of supporters to snub the other or show everyone your coolness (which I lacked). Many of these friendships seemed like a lot of work and some resulted in me feeling rejected, unwanted and sad.
Back to the boys club I went.
As I entered womanhood, I’ve noticed similar challenges with female relationships. Yes, I do have some amazing women in my life where our friendships just pick up like it was yesterday, Overall I’ve just found female friendships a lot more work.
My inner critic of course went wild.
What was wrong with me? Was I doing something terrible? Was I just not a good friend? Why was there so much competition? So much taking and so much drama?
Recently on a whim I signed up for a women’s circle. I had no idea what it was going to be like and honestly was a little nervous when I showed up to find my seat in the circle amongst 14 strangers. Many of these women knew one another and I was surrounded by light, comfortable banter. My inner critic began questioning what I had done and my introverted self felt my body shrinking in my seat.
What transpired on that evening filled a gap in my heart that I didn’t know existed.
Spending time with uplifting, empowering women who truly listened was a game changer for me. There was laughter, tears, dancing, sharing, and time for introspection. A room full of strong women showing compassion and genuineness. Women showing other women strength and courage and allowing the space for everyone to be heard.
And then it hit me.
My previous struggles were because those previous women weren’t my tribe.
I need to be around women who lift each other up. Women who know who they are and what they want (or are working their way there). Women who don't need to make someone else shrink to raise themselves up.
This has become a necessary part of my self care and one of my most treasured. Not only have I met some incredible women, but it has allowed me the space to realize how important it is to let go of what no longer serves you.
Surround yourself with those that raise you up. You deserve it!
Gather your fellow sisters and hold them close to your heart. They are the part of the fire that fuels us inside.
Be well everyone.
Laura
“We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back. We call upon our sisters around the world to be brave – to embrace the strength within themselves and realize their full potential. ”
– Malala Yousafzai
